The Pastor - Is faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, can walk on water and talks to God.
The Associate Pastor - Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet, is stronger than a switch engine, able to leap short buildings in a single bound, can walk on water, though his ankles get wet and sometimes talks to God.
The Music Director - Is faster than a speeding BB, is stronger than a Lionel (model) train, able to leap short buildings with a long running start, can walk on water, as long as it is frozen and talks to God but often wonders if He hears.
The Youth Minister - Is slower than a snail, trips over railroad tracks, walks into buildings, almost drowns in the bathtub and mumbles to theirself.
The Church Secretary - Catches speeding bullets in her teeth, chews them up and uses them for staples, could stare a locomotive off its tracks, if a building gets in her way, she just knocks it off its foundation, parts the water to walk through on dry ground and when God calls she asks who is calling and puts him on hold.
h/t Mikey's Funnies